Business pressure

I need someone to tell me that I should be myself and run my business the way I want to and at the size I want to. I need someone to tell me that it is okay that I am not competitive and career focused. I love my farm. I love getting to know my customers and making my own rules. I love that I can farm and have the flexible hours to be with my children and stay home so much. I really love being outside in the earth and dreaming about lush plants and feeding so many people. I do not like when I am at the market and people look at my produce and walk by and purchase the other vendors' (very similar) produce. I do not like the feeling I get in my stomach when I hear that 4 other large CSA's are starting in this area this year. Three of them are starting with money, infrastructure, and business experience. Last week I met with two small business development agents to help me figure out the next steps to my business. Tomorrow I am meeting with a woman from Women in Business Inc. to help me find grants and develop a good business plan. All of these things excite me and are helpful but every time I hear about what one of the other CSA's is doing, see their websites or advertisements I feel sick. See, I like a lot of other things in life as well as growing a market garden. Part of me wants to do this while the kids are young and then later get a job that stimulates brain while not being something I take home at night and analyze (make that over analyze).
Michael is calming and he tells me that I can run the business I want and I will attract a different but good kind of customer. I also find that the more I go out and meet people and get involved, I hear of other opportunities and I make connections that could, in the future lead to something else. Sometimes I think I am too much of a dreamer and always looking at the big picture, the future. But I am realizing that I should be a little more content with now and allowing that to work for us.
Here are some recent photos of us. We are so happy that the snow is finally going and that we can smell spring. Everyone was getting antsy and we are so happy for +10 degrees!!

Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for Eli's gifts!!


Maetia (as Mary) holding baby Jesus

We are not as excited about this snowfall on March 24 as we were last December



Playing outside!! Look at Eli standing and shoveling!!